Testing, testing, 123

Is this thing on? Hahaha!

What in the world did we ever do without computers!? No seriously, my laptop's only been in the shop for a day and I could swear it's been a week. Thank goodness for internet on my phone and friends who don't mind me crashing their pad to soothe my internet withdrawal. I was starting to get the shakes! Lol!

While I'm ok with checking my bank balance and doing some Christmas shopping online at my girlfriend's houses, I didn't want to over-extended my welcome by monopolizing their PC's to blog. However, (much to my delight) there just so happens to be a swell little app for my phone called BlogPress, that allows me to blog away to my hearts content (provided I have the patience to literally text it all out) for the bargain price of only $2.99. So for now, it'll suffice.

So on to my surrogacy update...

I had the opportunity last night to speak with my lovely IM, "N" as I'll call her, for nearly an hour and a half. It was truly the stuff dreams are made of. Just a relaxed, honest talk that felt much like a conversation I would have with my sister. I think the only way it could've been better is if we had met in a little cafe or coffee shop and chatted in person while sipping lattes. But then again, everything's better in my mind when there's coffee involved! ; )

It confirmed once again how right-on our connection has been from the very beginning. How many times in your life have you met someone or done something that just felt inexplicably right? For me, the few major instances that come to mind were joining the Coast Guard, meeting my husband and trying to conceive while James was deployed. I can honestly say so far that this journey and meeting N have been right up there in terms of how strongly I feel about the "rightness" of the whole situation. It's hard to explain but it's as if there's an inner force at work in me gently but insistently pushing me in the direction I need to go. For lack of a better description, its auto-pilotish. It's just there and it feels right and I'm goin' with it.

So we talked and the conversation just flowed. She had recently received a huge packet of information from Gayle (my agent) <---(PS, it's fun to say I have an "agent", tee-hee!) and after looking through everything and taking some time to absorb it and get a better grasp of the whole surrogacy process, she and her husband had a heart-to-heart. They collectively decided to continue trying to conceive on their own for a few more months. Bless her heart, she was so nervous to call and share this with me! I know what it's like to dread a phone call and I hate to think of myself ever being the cause of such worry. Nonetheless it was an easy conversation and a plan to proceed was formed. We decided together to continue working out some of the necessary details such as my psych exam, health insurance, life insurance, the legalities involved in a contract drawn in IL and possible birth in MO, etc. Basically continue as we have been except that we'll be putting off the contract phase for a few more months.

My immediate reaction was a sense of complete understanding. No really, I'm not lying when I say we're so totally on the same page. It's crazy good stuff!

Without going into too much detail, one of my initial concerns was that she hadn't exhausted all options on her own yet. After all, this is about having a baby...filling her arms, her heart and her family first and foremost by whatever means she and her husband feel are necessary/appropriate. Of course I'm excited to get started and of course I'd love to transfer as soon as possible but this very realistically could be a blessing in disguise for everyone involved.

For N, the ultimate blessing would be a healthy, happy, full term pregnancy on her own.

For me, it could mean a greater connection, time to get myself in better shape and at the very least, a lasting friendship out of the deal.

"What it all boils down to...is I've got one hand in my pocket and the other one is giving a high five"

I've got one part of me on pause and another part of me hopeful that what comes of this, with my help or no, is a healthy baby(ies) for N and her family.

Regardless of where this journey takes us, regardless of how many bumps, delays or even ultimately, a lack of need for my help, it's the end result that counts. I want it to be as smooth and as right as it possibly can and if that means waiting or taking it slower, I'm more than ok with that.

I'm reminded of another favorite quote that goes something like: "Life's not about reaching a destination, it's about the journey and the experiences along the way." So true. For me, this experience isn't just about being pregnant and giving birth...it's about changing someone's life forever. About having the privilege of being a part of someone's miracle.

A fulfilling and connected journey is absolutely critical. If it means I have to wait a few more months to have that with a wonderful family over rushing to start the process with someone I may or may not feel as strongly matched with...well, that's a no-brainer in my book.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone