Old Times Since

So 2011. Twenty eleven. Two zero one one.

Ho-ly smokes. The years seem to be passing by so fast now. Why is that? When I was a kid the years seemed to go by so slooow. I couldn't wait to grow up and be married, have kids, etc, etc. I'll be 29 this year. This is the last year in my twenties. Hmm. Trying not to focus too hard on that one.

Anyway.

I'm looking forward to the New Year for so many reasons. Some are obvious. I can't wait to start this surrogacy journey and of course all the wonderful things that go along with it. I can't wait to see Colton turn two (might come back and smack myself for this one) To see Dakota turn eight (Oh-M-Gee!) I can't wait for summer and all the other millions of possibilities that come along with a new year, new beginning. 

Not to be stereotypical but I really am looking forward to getting back on a diet/exercise routine starting Jan 1st. (Yah, I know, insert eye-roll) haha! But seriously, its worked for me in the past and I still have quite a few pesky pounds I'd like to lose. I'm not holding myself to any high standards as I'm more of a quiet, to-myself dieter (read: easy quitter) but I do hope to stick with it and get down to a more comfortable size/weight. Almost four years ago I started a diet/exercise regimen on Jan 1st and stuck with it until that summer dropping close to 40lbs. It was wonderful and I felt great! I tried my best to make as little fuss about it as possible because no joke, it takes a lot of work (duh, Kristen!) for me to lose that much poundage. One of the draw backs to being so tall is that weight loss, even significant weight loss isn't as noticeable on me. If I lose 20lbs, it sounds like a lot but in reality for me, that's only about one whole size difference. I lose 40lbs and I go down maybe two or three sizes if I'm lucky. Might make it easier to hide but that's reason numero uno I never tell anyone my weight. If it still shocks me after all these years, I know sure as sugar I'd cause a jaw-dropping, eyeball popping kind of look I'd never get out of my head so I keep my mouth shut and my scale in the closet! ; )

Since June of this year I've lost close to 25lbs but hardly anyone would notice unless I mentioned it. So yeah, never gonna be on a weight loss commercial with the big baggy pants pulled out 3ft from my waist. --But side note, do those people get paid? They must. Who would really wanna go on TV and show their fat pants? Not me sister!

Dieting-schmieting. Back to being excited about the New Year! I feel so much optimism and hope for this year. I can't explain it really but maybe because the odd years seem to be really good for us. A few of our best years were: 2003 (year we were married & Dakota was born), 2007 (year we went to Hawaii and I lost a bunch of weight as previously mentioned), 2009 (year Colton was born & James was accepted into the commissioning program). So you can see why I have more of a preference for the un-even years and why I look back on those days with a smile and warm memories. 

Speaking of which, you know the old New Year song, "Auld Lang Syne"? I've always wanted to know the words to that song and learn a little about its history so I thought I'd share what I found online about it. Its an old Scots poem written in 1788 by a guy named Robert Burns. Translated to English it means, "Old Times Since" and here are the lyrics in case you're like me and want to brush up before the ball drops:

Should old acquaintances be forgotten,
And never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintances be forgotten,
And days of long ago !

Chorus:
For old long ago, my dear
For old long ago,
We will take a cup of kindness yet
For old long ago.

We two have run about the hillsides
And pulled the daisies fine,
But we have wandered many a weary foot
For old long ago.

We two have paddled (waded) in the stream
From noon until dinner time,
But seas between us broad have roared
Since old long ago.

And there is a hand, my trusty friend,
And give us a hand of yours,
And we will take a goodwill draught (of ale)
For old long ago!

And surely you will pay for your pint,
And surely I will pay for mine!
And we will take a cup of kindness yet
For old long ago!

I don't know about you, but I love learning about things I've heard of my whole life just never quite had the whole scoop on. I'm ready with my cup o'kindness for two-thousand, eleven so bring 'er on my friends!

Many, many blessings to you and yours in the New Year!!

A Few of My Favorite Things

Nothing spells Christmas like thoughtful, meaningful gifts. From my children, that would be their very existence. I love their little hearts and souls and take joy in watching and experiencing life through their eyes each and every day. From my friends, its much the same, their friendship, thoughtfulness and the way they warm my heart is better than any gift I could ever receive. From my husband, well...its a new vacuum cleaner. Haha! No really, I love my husband and cherish him for all the wonderful, thoughtful things he does for our family everyday without ever being asked. But...I sure do love that new vacuum too! : )

All kidding aside, its days like today that remind me what Christmas is really all about.

My sweet, thoughtful husband let me sleep in today until 9:30. (What a sweet treat in itself!) The only problem with me sleeping in is that I feel absolutely "do-less" as my grandma would say for the rest of the day. That would be all fine and well if I didn't have an appt to go to at 1pm. So of course I had to rush around to get out the door because I waited until late to start getting ready and the appt was earlier than I originally thought, etc, etc. Blah.

Anyway, before I left, hubby mentions I got a small box in the mail and a bunch of Christmas cards. Sweet. I love mystery boxes and cards! Something fun to look forward to. Got home a little later than planned and didn't remember to go through my mail until just about an hour ago.

Lo and behold, the box is from N (my IM). How exciting!

Here is what she sent:

She wrote on the box, "To the Delivery Room....And Beyond!!"

The angel inside with an S on her chest

I laughed, got teary eyed, laughed some more and have been smiling ever since! I LOVE it!! How perfect and how thoughtful! 

Anyone who knows me well knows I love the Willow Tree figurines and have many of them. Another thing I love are personalized, meaningful gifts. I think I remember talking to N about the Willow Tree collections once a while back but for her to remember that and then send such a personal gift just proves to me that we are very much alike in spirit. 

So Thank You N for such a sweet surprise today! That absolutely made my day! : )

Here's wishing each of you receive or are in the presence of at least one of your favorite things this Christmas season. 

XOXO

Ice-Ice Baby

Dun-dun-dun-dun-da-da-dun-dun....

Yes! Two blog posts in one day! Boy am I on a blogging blitz or what? haha!

No really, just had to add that after going outside for the first time in two days due to afore-mentioned puking episode, (see previous post) my FB friends weren't kiddin on it being an ice rink out there!!

No vanilla on that ice!

Ice crusted over the snow

Becareful out there friends!

Back from the Depths

Of my toilet. Yeah, gross-out. I wont go into too many details but over the last 48 hours I had yet another run-in with my old pal food poisoning. (Sarcasm, what?) Thankfully it wasn't *quite* as bad as previous run-ins but it was still pretty bad. My ribs are sore from yakking and although it could be viewed as a minor annoyance when bathing, I've never been so grateful in my whole life to have my toilet and bathtub in such close proximity. Blah! What a mess.

P.S. I'm no longer a fan of Wendy's.  ::shudder::

In other news, today is Friday! Such a great one for several reasons:

BCPs!

1) I start my BCPs (birth control pills) today - WooHOO!
2) As previously noted I'm feeling lots better. A++ for that!
3) James took his last final yesterday and today is Dakota's last day of school before Christmas break!


ETA: I'm a horrible, terrible mom for not knowing this but he has school on Mon & Tues and then he'll be out for break. However, James really is done with school for now. Yikes, I think I need more sleep! 

Soo, that translates into one last three more days for mommy and daddy to finish playing Santa and then a nice long break for all of us! (Hey, I'm not even in school and I'm excited!)

Since the BCPs are the only surro related thing, I shall expound upon that for a moment. Maybe explain why I'm happy to be starting them? Anyway, I'm not pregnant, which I wasn't ever in fear of really but you just never know...so that's a really good thing. Then I guess I'm excited because it feels like progress and progress I like! Its great to know that when the times comes, I'll be 100% ready, regular cycle and all. One thing I've said throughout this entire process thus far is that I don't mind waiting (because I know there will be lots of it) but I don't ever want anyone to have to wait on me if I can avoid it. I want to be in the position to sign a contract and set a transfer date tomorrow if/when the time comes. Know what I mean, jelly bean?

Ok, whodathunk you could write a whole paragraph on BCPs? Leave it to me!

*Mental note: Must add surrogacy acronym list to blog.

Anywho, I know I said I would continue my surro thoughts but since the only thing that comes to mind after my recent puking incident is morning sickness, I think I better collect my thoughts a little more before I go into those. I know its a real possibility to be sick and that's ok, but I'd rather not focus on that as the basis for future things to look forward to. Just sayin'.

Only 8 whole days 'til Christmas folks! Hope you're all ready!

TGIF 'n stuff! ; )

In the Mean Time

The more I think about it, the more and more I realize just how great the timing has been and will be for this whole process. How perfect to have Christmas to keep me busy?!

(Hello by the way! Hope everyone's having a great pre-Christmas week!)

I've had all kinds of thoughts and mental images come to mind over the last week about my up-coming surrogacy adventure so I thought I'd write a little about them to look back on later. I've been thinking about the whole journey; beginning to end. How I'll feel, how the pictures will look, how elated my IPs will be when I get that first + pee stick, etc, etc. The anticipation is thrilling! I suppose I have an active imagination but its fun to fantasize about it. I certainly don't have a lack of other things to think about and do...but in case you haven't noticed, I'm super pumped to start this journey and in my own little corner of my mind, its fun to envision what lies ahead of me in the (hopefully) not so distant future.

I remember watching a Cinderella movie, (the old Rodgers & Hammerstein musical one) when I was a little girl where Julie Andrews sings about her own little corner in her own little chair. That's about where I feel I am with this journey right now. Its there, but its in a little corner of my mind while I wait.

In the mean time...life goes on. Whew! Back to this being good timing. If ever there were a time to take my mind off waiting its Christmas time! So much to do and think about. Especially this year with two little boys who are both old enough to throughly enjoy it and lots of good friends to do fun Christmas things with.

 For example, tomorrow I have a cookie swap to go to at my friend Heather's house which is fan-tabulous because:
1) She is hosting coffee day for me so I have a break from my manic, half-hour-before-everyone-shows-up cleaning spree
2) I will be forced to get myself out of my house for a least part of the morning even though its COLD!
3) We get cookies! and who the heck doesn't like cookies?!

Speaking of friends, I sure have some great ones. I watched the Barbara Walters special where she interviewed Oprah this morning. Well, I take that back, it came on a few nights ago, but I had to record it because I never get to watch any shows or programs I like the night they air. (Sometimes not even the same week!) Anyhow, during part of the interview Barbara-"wa-wa" as we call her, asked Oprah about her relationship with her longtime friend Gayle King. After they got past the part where O says she's not gay or lesbian (who cares anyway?) Barbara asks Oprah what Gayle means to her. Her words gave me goosebumps. After a pause, she said, "Gayle is...the mother I never had. The sister...I always imagined and the friend...everyone deserves." Wow.

Wow! I loved that. Maybe it was the way she said it. So much emotion. It must have come up from her toes it was that deep. I've never been a dedicated O watcher but I do love some of her shows and I absolutely can't *wait* to check out her new network when it starts up. I'm secretly hoping she'll have a featured show on surrogacy so I can watch!

But back to my friends... See? Lots on my mind. Little scatter brained today, ha!

 First, ok... we've been stationed at this base now for almost 5 years. In military standards, that's a pretty long stay in one place. I can honestly say with 110% certainty that I am ready to leave. I'm not in a rush, but I'm done. I'm ready to move on and experience new things. If it were permanent, I would adjust. But since its not, I've had my fun, this is not my home and I'm ready for new scenery.

H-o-w-e-v-e-r, we will be here until sometime in 2012. No way around it. Which is totally cool, fine, whatever. In the mean time, I have things here that I love and will be very sad to say goodbye to. #1 are my friends. I have one friend in particular that I've become very close with and I have to give her a shout out. Her name is Sheryl, (with an "S", don't forget!) and you all need to know her. She will be a big part of this journey and she is absolutely, positively, without a doubt the kind of friend everyone deserves. I have lots of wonderful friends in my life and they know who they are but some you just click with on a different level than others and Sheryl is definitely one of them. Maybe its our convenient location (I could throw a rock and hit her house) but more likely its that we're made of the same stuff and have an almost scary number of things in common. She gets me, I get her. Its pretty simple really. But simple in a really awesome, I thank-God-for it kinda way. I could fill a whole post about Sheryl and my other wonderful girlfriends but you get the point, good friends are better than facebook, puppies and chocolate.
(And that's sayin' something!)

Me & Sheryl-bug ; )

Wow, why didn't someone stop me from tryin' to write a book?! lol

Friends, surro thoughts and chocolate to be continued...

'Night folks! ; )

Before I Lay Me Down to Zzzz

Ok, no more late night blogging for me after this. I stay up too late and then try to get way too serious on myself. I just typed up a big long blog post that I then started falling asleep re-reading which is no good and = bor-ring! Figured I better start fresh! Sometimes serious is called for, most times its not. When I start dozing while reading my own writing....well, not good.

So, couple of quick things before I'm off to pillow paradise...

#1 - Got my Rx for Yaz (birth control pills) so I will hopefully be back to my super punctual punctuation mark (.) and of course ensure my husband doesn't get me pregnant before the RE has a chance to.

#2 - Talked to Gayle today and N last night and we seem to be making some progress in the research and figuring-stuff-out dept. Gayle got two different health insurance quotes through BCBS and we'll hopefully figure out the life insurance stuff sometime this week.

#3 - Although this is a non-serious post, I feel I should note that until I heard from N last night, I had been feeling a little bummed about things being on hold for a while. I know its absolutely the right thing for her to do (and what I would do in her shoes) but...I'm only human and I couldn't help it. I'm just anxious to get excited and pumped again and hoping we'll get some details figured out while we're waiting.

#4 - One of my online buddies made this for me and I just had to share it with you all! Pure awesomeness, thanks Kristi!

Super Surro-Me, haha!  

#5 - I'm starting to fall asleep again. Darn the sleepy blogging! Good thing its coffee Wednesday tomorrow.

I think that about wraps it up! Thanks so much for the kind comments and "follows" I'm beyond flattered to have received such positive feedback and support! Can't wait to get to the juicy fun parts so I have more exciting things to share. Until then...

'Night folks! : )

Blogging Bliss

In the words of Usher...OMG. Can I just say that I. Love. My. New. Mac.  Never thought in a bazillion years I'd ever own one but I am soooo incredibly glad I do as of today. What an amazing piece of technology. I'm giddy I'm so excited and geeked over this thing! Yes, I said geeked. Haha! Bless my sweet hubby's heart, while I was out buying the iMac he made us a super yummy dinner and then spent three hours after said dinner putting together the new computer desk for said new iMac to rest its pretty self on. He did a fabulous job and I am tickled pink with our fancy new set-up. Hopefully his sweet gestures earned him points with the gods of pharmacology and he does well on his test tomorrow. Love you honey, goodluck!

 Its already late and I'm pooped but I had to post about my new computer and cannot wait to do some serious bloggin on this bad boy!

Hoping for lots of visits from the UPS and FedEx men tomorrow, (delivering the kids presents) so I feel better about spending so much money on ourselves right before Christmas. (But its really for all of us anyway, right?)

Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas to mommy US! ; )

Testing, testing, 123

Is this thing on? Hahaha!

What in the world did we ever do without computers!? No seriously, my laptop's only been in the shop for a day and I could swear it's been a week. Thank goodness for internet on my phone and friends who don't mind me crashing their pad to soothe my internet withdrawal. I was starting to get the shakes! Lol!

While I'm ok with checking my bank balance and doing some Christmas shopping online at my girlfriend's houses, I didn't want to over-extended my welcome by monopolizing their PC's to blog. However, (much to my delight) there just so happens to be a swell little app for my phone called BlogPress, that allows me to blog away to my hearts content (provided I have the patience to literally text it all out) for the bargain price of only $2.99. So for now, it'll suffice.

So on to my surrogacy update...

I had the opportunity last night to speak with my lovely IM, "N" as I'll call her, for nearly an hour and a half. It was truly the stuff dreams are made of. Just a relaxed, honest talk that felt much like a conversation I would have with my sister. I think the only way it could've been better is if we had met in a little cafe or coffee shop and chatted in person while sipping lattes. But then again, everything's better in my mind when there's coffee involved! ; )

It confirmed once again how right-on our connection has been from the very beginning. How many times in your life have you met someone or done something that just felt inexplicably right? For me, the few major instances that come to mind were joining the Coast Guard, meeting my husband and trying to conceive while James was deployed. I can honestly say so far that this journey and meeting N have been right up there in terms of how strongly I feel about the "rightness" of the whole situation. It's hard to explain but it's as if there's an inner force at work in me gently but insistently pushing me in the direction I need to go. For lack of a better description, its auto-pilotish. It's just there and it feels right and I'm goin' with it.

So we talked and the conversation just flowed. She had recently received a huge packet of information from Gayle (my agent) <---(PS, it's fun to say I have an "agent", tee-hee!) and after looking through everything and taking some time to absorb it and get a better grasp of the whole surrogacy process, she and her husband had a heart-to-heart. They collectively decided to continue trying to conceive on their own for a few more months. Bless her heart, she was so nervous to call and share this with me! I know what it's like to dread a phone call and I hate to think of myself ever being the cause of such worry. Nonetheless it was an easy conversation and a plan to proceed was formed. We decided together to continue working out some of the necessary details such as my psych exam, health insurance, life insurance, the legalities involved in a contract drawn in IL and possible birth in MO, etc. Basically continue as we have been except that we'll be putting off the contract phase for a few more months.

My immediate reaction was a sense of complete understanding. No really, I'm not lying when I say we're so totally on the same page. It's crazy good stuff!

Without going into too much detail, one of my initial concerns was that she hadn't exhausted all options on her own yet. After all, this is about having a baby...filling her arms, her heart and her family first and foremost by whatever means she and her husband feel are necessary/appropriate. Of course I'm excited to get started and of course I'd love to transfer as soon as possible but this very realistically could be a blessing in disguise for everyone involved.

For N, the ultimate blessing would be a healthy, happy, full term pregnancy on her own.

For me, it could mean a greater connection, time to get myself in better shape and at the very least, a lasting friendship out of the deal.

"What it all boils down to...is I've got one hand in my pocket and the other one is giving a high five"

I've got one part of me on pause and another part of me hopeful that what comes of this, with my help or no, is a healthy baby(ies) for N and her family.

Regardless of where this journey takes us, regardless of how many bumps, delays or even ultimately, a lack of need for my help, it's the end result that counts. I want it to be as smooth and as right as it possibly can and if that means waiting or taking it slower, I'm more than ok with that.

I'm reminded of another favorite quote that goes something like: "Life's not about reaching a destination, it's about the journey and the experiences along the way." So true. For me, this experience isn't just about being pregnant and giving birth...it's about changing someone's life forever. About having the privilege of being a part of someone's miracle.

A fulfilling and connected journey is absolutely critical. If it means I have to wait a few more months to have that with a wonderful family over rushing to start the process with someone I may or may not feel as strongly matched with...well, that's a no-brainer in my book.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Just coincidence?

I present for your consideration, the following:

1) My most favorite quote EV-AH! (see the bottom of this page) that I recently found out also hangs on the wall of my hopeful IM's office...

She sent this to me today in a text

2) What I found in my cookie at dinner tonight...

My fortune

3) My random piece of mail. Keep in mind, its been months and months since I've received anything like this. I have NO idea why I got it today and yet, it was addressed specifically to me... 



Prenatal nutrition guide that reads, "Congratulations you're pregnant!"

Coincidence? Maybe. Thought provoking? You betcha. I wont say whole-heartdedly that I'm a believer in signs but I wont say I'm not a believer in signs either. It brings to mind the part in one of my favorite movies where a priest stops Alex (one of the main characters) and tells him, "there are signs everywhere". Immediately afterward a series of familiar objects, people, etc cross his path that he deciphers as signs. He of course, takes them to heart, an exhausting search for his love and the mother of his unborn child ensues, he finds her, mom goes into labor, delivers baby on the Hoover Dam and the rest is history. Que sappy romantic song and...The End.  Haha, love that movie!

As for my own experiences with signs...Well, this is something I haven't shared with many people but not long after my miscarriage I encountered a sign of sorts. I was running late, trying to get Dakota to preschool on time and had to run to Wal-Mart at the last minute to grab snacks for the class. It was a rare few moments at that time when the twins we had lost weren't in the forefront of my mind. After rushing through the express lane and fenagling my way out of the parking lot, I paused to take a deep breath at the stop light. Then I looked up. The bumper sticker on the car directly in front of me read, "Proud Grandparents of Twins"  That was it. No other stickers on the car, nothing special about that day or place or time. Just out of the clear blue sky, a bumper sticker about twins. Never had before and never have since seen another one like it. At first my lip quivered and a few tears rolled down my cheeks. Then, when I allowed myself to think more in depth, I bawled. Not a year before my miscarriage, I had lost my beloved grandpa, "Papaw" as we called him, to cancer. It was a long battle and he was well into his seventies when he died, but nonetheless, it was hard. He was the first grandparent I'd lost and we were close. So you see, when I saw that bumper sticker I instantly thought of Papaw. Even though I consider myself as rational as they come, in my grief and in that raw moment, I thought, "Its a sign...he's got them...he's taking care of them for me in heaven". To this day, I like to think he is. Its a warm, comforting thought and for no other reason than it brings me peace, I've held onto it.

Some might say its a load of hog-wash and I say, to each his own. But as for me...

Well...maybe I do believe in signs.

Hooray for Normal!

I suddenly remembered today that the base clinic has this nifty little system in place where you can call and get test results over the phone. (Cool huh?) Its been almost two weeks since my "yearly" exam and plenty of time for my results to be in. So I called and after playing twister on my phone for 5 min, got my results -- Normal!! Even more impressive was the fact that a real person had recorded the message about my results. Golly gee whiz, I sure feel spay-cial! So yay for technology and another step in the right direction!

I wasn't worried about my results much since I've had nothing but normal PAPs for the last seven years or so, but you just never know and I figured when it really counted, I'd probably get an abnormal reading or something. But nope! My girly parts are good and everything's peachy keen. Now to wait patiently for an update from Gayle (my agent). Hope to hear something tomorrow so we can get crack-a-lackin'!

Happy Sunday Everyone!

What's in a name?

For this blog, quite a lot in fact! Yes, I do on rare occasion, have a stroke of brilliance and yesterday after thinking and pondering for a while, it finally hit.

What the heck am I talking about? The name of my blog of course! While I know an explanation isn't necessarily necessary...I figured it might be worth mentioning since I don't have anything new to share yet.

So first, "Lovin' the Middle" refers to how much I love my middle...errr, umm, my belly rather...during pregnancy. I'm pretty darn tall (5'11) so its probably not "technically" my middle but its close enough and you get the idea.

My "middle" with Colton

It also refers to how much I'm looking forward to that "middle" part of this journey. Being pregnant, sharing the experience with my IPs, feeling the baby(ies) kick, OB appts, ultrasounds, etc...I love all that stuff!

Last but not least, its a play on words (aren't I so clever!) because you see, my middle name just happens to be Love. No really... my name is Kristen Love. --Don't make me scan my drivers license because I will! 

So there you have it... How I named my blog. Yay! : )

My Story - What, Why, When & How

Welcome to my Blog!

Holy guacamole, where on earth do I start this thing!? First and foremost, Thank You for taking the time to read about me, my family and this journey. I'm doing this mainly for myself and my IPs (Intended Parents) but its always fun to have the encouragement of friends and followers along the way! I imagine most of you who know me but are unaware I was beginning this process have questions, concerns, comments, etc. So I think a quick intro and then skipping right to the point is probably the best way to get started. : )

 Most of you already know my name, (Hi, I'm Kristen!) and for those of you who don't know, I'm 28, happily married for almost 8 years to my wonderful hubby James (31) and we have two awesome little boys, Dakota (7) and Colton (1). We're an active duty Air Force family who live, work and play in eastern Illinois near St Louis, MO.

What this is about...

I am in the process of becoming a GS or "Gestational Surrogate". The medical definition of a gestational surrogate is: "a woman who helps a couple to have a child by carrying to term an embryo conceived by the couple and transferred to her uterus."

*Just for clarification, a TS or "Traditional Surrogate" is a woman who is inseminated with the intended father's sperm and then carries the baby to term. <----This is not something I could do because I don't feel emotionally capable of giving up a biological child.*

Why I'm doing this...

I could probably fill a book with all the thoughts, considerations and musings I've had over the years about becoming a surrogate. In short, surrogacy is a new experience to me that stemmed from an old ambition.
If I were to write a bucket list, helping another couple or family achieve the dream of having a baby and/or siblings for their children would be very high on the list.

I can't say for sure where or when the idea to become a surrogate first came to mind. I have extended family that were unable to have children of their own and remember wishing I could help in some way. At the time I was too young to do anything but the desire to help them stuck with me. In addition to that, I very vaguely remember watching a Lifetime movie about a surrogate named Patty Nowakowski. It was based on her true story as a TS (traditional surrogate) who gave birth to boy/girl twins. While I knew I couldn't be a TS like Patty, I loved the idea of surrogacy and from time to time would think about how much I wanted to become a surrogate myself someday.

Somewhere along the way I read or heard about gestational surrogacy and my desire to become a surrogate seemed more and more like a real possibility. I want to say this was shortly before our first son was born. Around that time, I also learned that in order to be a surrogate, I would have to have at least one child of my own. The idea was pushed to the back burner but remained a strong desire for the future. When Dakota was about 8 months old, I finally worked up the courage to call an agency. I talked to a wonderful lady who encouraged me to take my time and contact her again when I was sure I was ready. The years went by and from time to time, the thought would pop in my head. It was just never the right time.

Its funny how surrogacy would materialize from time to time. A program on TV, the GS at my OB's office pregnant with twins, my friends mentioning it over coffee. It was never far from my mind. When I was about 6 or 7 months pregnant with Colton I called another agency here in Illinois. Knowing I couldn't commit to anything for at least another year, I wanted to hear my options, get updates on the science behind it, etc. Again, the lady I spoke to was nice and encouraged me to call when I was done breastfeeding. Again, the idea was pushed to the back burner only to resurface later on.

Finally, about a month ago (give or take), I was reminded of my long-time wish to be a surrogate and finally, the timing was P.E.R.F.E.C.T. With James in school full time (read: non-deployable) for the next 18-24 months, Colton weaned and us living in a surro friendly state, my ambition is finally becoming reality and I am SO EXCITED!! Which brings me to...

When is this happening...

Well, to be honest, I have no idea when I'll be pregnant. My hope is soon and I'm doing everything I can to move this process along. Like anything fun, exciting and swimming with legalities, it can be more of a waiting game than anything else. BUT, I've recently signed with an agency in Texas (see my links) and very recently, (as in last Tuesday) spoken with a wonderful lady in Oklahoma who I have a really good feeling will be my IM (intended mother)!! I'm hopeful, anxious, excited, nervous, etc to see where things go. My ultimate goal is to start this journey with a wonderful family who will gradually become part of our family. I've thought about it over and over and even came up with our own corny little motto:

"To the delivery room and beyond!"

 Picture this lady with blond hair and a preggo belly under the S and you get the idea...

How this will happen...

  I think most of you can guess the technicalities of how this will happen but a few things I haven't mentioned but are equally important:

-This will ONLY happen with the love, encouragement, emotional (and I imagine sometimes physical) support of my husband and best friend

-This will ONLY happen with the love, support and encouragement of my children, family and friends.

-This will ONLY happen with the love, support and encouragement of my IPs

-This will ONLY happen with the support, encouragement and advice from my agent, Gayle and other surrogates who have been there done that

So far, I've received nothing but positive and uplifting responses which has been a HUGE motivator and indescribably encouraging. Up until now, I've only shared this with a few people because I wasn't sure the what/why/when and how would work out. Now that I know this is going to happen, I'm ready to share my news and begin journalling the adventure!!

Buckle up, get out your kleenex, hide your pee sticks and lets see where the road to gestational surrogacy leads us. What d'ya say!?